CHAOS TRANSFORMED

Hi. Welcome to Chaos Transformed. As part of my series Don’t Make My Mistake, we are starting it off with the topic: Ignoring A trusted Mentor. Here’s My Story ♥️

When I was 3 years into my first project at a consulting firm, I had established a comfortable relationship with my team. I had a mentor whom I trusted that advised me privately that I should be looking into a team change because management is changing since a major upgrade for the system I have been supporting is coming up.

Instead of being grateful at the warning, I started crying hard. I felt that my mentor was trying to push me out of this team and therefore out of my comfort zone. I thought I was not ready to learn to build rapport with new users, learn their organization leadership chain, figure out how users use the system, potentially having to travel a further distance to this potential new client.

I had already created a narrative in my mind that this guy hated me and wanted me to be miserable (dramatic, I know but these were real thoughts). I cried and complained to whoever would listen that I didn’t want to change projects.

I have so much I can still learn on the current project, I complained. One of those people I complained to was a female manager who just started and appeared sympathetic to my plight. Little did I know she would be using this against me later on when I filed an HR complaint with her favorite underling.

Needless to say, I stayed on this project team for two more years, experiencing one of the most stressful, ego-wrenching, and feeling unappreciated all the while. Their disfavor manifested in lower evaluation scores, more time in the office despite FMLA accommodations, as well as tasks assigned that took me over my 40 hour work weeks without any assistance, and multiple micromanagerial touch points to see what progress I made.

This pressure got to me mentally, physically, emotionally to the point where I either couldn’t sleep, ate too much, or didn’t want to get up most days.

Eventually I was moved off the team with a bad reputation; and disrespected for being too emotional; so much so that people walked on eggshells around me or ignored me entirely.

It took time and consistent effort to establish myself on the new team. I built myself back up, taking time to rest, enjoy shows I liked, connecting to friends and family.

I also reached out to the mentor I had scorned and apologized. He forgave and told me he only had my best interests at heart. I believed him, fully and would never forget this hard learned lesson.

So the next time a mentor I trusted recommended I look into something, I took a breath, listened, and followed their advice. The doubts and fears still raged in my mind, but I took conscious steps to integrate his advice.

He helped me update my resume for a new job, closer to home, having more work-life balance and I am forever grateful for my current situation.

So my advice, listen, absorb, reflect, then act. Emotions don’t always tell the full story and your thoughts can only shape you if you let them. Find trustworthy mentors, friends, family and learn to listen, it could change your life.

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What’s some advice your mentor gave you that you wish you listened to ?